In which I find it has all been written and there is nothing else for me to do in this world but microwave hotdogs

ANNOUNCER: Other shampoos just work on your hair. But Chambraigne travels down each follicle and bores into your skull, depositing magical knowledge crystals.

TV’S AL ROKER: (“Heavy User”): Lather your way to a new intelligence.

(CHAMBRAIGNE LOGO OVER VIDEO OF MAN IN TOGA PUTTING ON CROWN OF LEAVES)

ANNOUNCER: With Chambraigne. The shampoo of kings. (Faster) Made by Carl and Sons. Continued use may result in limb loss.

(CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL IMAGE ON OLD-FASHIONED TV SCREEN)

SPACE GHOST: Finally, a product for me! I believe every word that man just said, because it’s exactly what I wanted to hear.

(TIME LAPSE – SPACE GHOST HAS LATHER ON HIS HOOD AND IS SURROUNDED BY BOXES OF CHAMBRAIGNE)

SPACE GHOST: Ha ha ha ha! I’m already smart enough to know this is working!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC, SHOT OF SMALL, GLOWING PLANET TOPPED WITH A HEALTHY HEAD OF HAIR, CUT TO EXT. OF CARL & SONS )

VOICE: This is a proud day for Carl and Sons, son. (TWO BRAINS HOVER IN SHADOW)

LARGE BRAIN (CARL): We’ve sold enough Chambraigne to purchase this…television.

(OPENING TITLES PLAY ON TV SCREEN)

SMALL BRAIN (SON): (incoherent squeaking)

CARL: Yes, son. Fetch daddy’s hard plastic eyes so he can see the TV.

(SON RUNS OFF SCREEN, CRASHING NOISES ARE HEARD)

CARL: On the dresser! You are an imbecile!

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