Our landlord today dropped off the nicest book for H.o.p. A Christmas gift which we know is a book because tonight H.o.p., aglow with enthusiasm and curiosity, asked if he could go ahead and open it and Marty put a bow on his head to put us in a Christmasy mood and we said yes. Inside was Robert Sabuda’s “Encyclopedia Prehistorica” which is like no other pop-up book I’ve ever seen. Beautiful. H.o.p. was thrilled and offered the ultimate in endorsements for pop-up books:
“I like this book a lot! It makes me feel like I jumped right into it!”
He also left me a little something. Which means a lot after the troubles of this past week. As a volunteer, I do the website for an organization he heads. They have not sent me any work to do on it in the past six months which means it’s been flying so under my radar that I’ve not even thought about it during that time. But here is a gift certificate for a book store, which is highly appropriate. The organization’s purpose is to keep the library in books.
Thus books.
It’s a nice balm. Because the bitterness of the past week, of which I alluded to in an earlier post, was over a website I’ve done, as a volunteer, for another non-profit, and have (or had) worked on it for four years. Though it wasn’t a top one of my projects, and I’d been asked to do it by another person for whom I do volunteer webwork, I invested countless hours over those four years. There were occasional problems, sometimes significant ones, which I won’t go into here but I kept the head of the organization out of hot waters at least once. And there was a lot of stuff I’d be asked to do that would end up being wastebasketed because she’d decide to go a different direction. Fine, but not so fine if it involved hours and hours of work for something she’d not completely thought out. Frankly, if it had been the only website I did as a volunteer, that would be one thing, but when you are working on a number of them then it can get overwhelming and frustrating when that happens, such as when you suddenly get another cursory email saying the website now needs another page, which means redoing the navigation on every single page in two places. And this website ultimately ended up having 18 pages, 225 image files (not all currently used) and a logo that I had designed for them because they didn’t have one. Not a lot compared to other sites I adminster which can rack up dozens, even several hundred pages when they are information-based websites, but far more than enough in this case.
After four years you think you build up a kind of relationship even if just on a strictly non-personal level. You expect a certain amount of trust. And I would occasionally direct donors to her.
Then last week I get several emails in a row, out of the blue, no hi or bye, no “something appears to be wrong”, basically accusing me of dismantling a portion of the website. Where were all the pictures that should be there, she demanded, why had I taken them down. She said people were writing her asking her where they were and she couldn’t find them. I wrote back saying everything was there, nothing changed. She wrote again, more accusatory. I wrote back saying I’d no idea what she was talking about, and to please send me urls (I was thinking perhaps she was talking about what might appear to be broken links when perhaps the server was acting up). I went through every single image to make sure it was all right. She wrote again, no urls. But finally she described the pictures she said were missing (she also described several which were never on the website) and I realized what she was looking for and sent her the url for the page they were located on. I figured as it was her non-profit’s website that she would care to be familiar with it, but apparently not. By now I was pretty insulted with the tone of the communications. She wrote back saying oops, senior moment, sorry, she’d overlooked the page, but she had a brand-spanking-new supporter and now she wanted me to add in a new page because of it (which meant rebuilding the navigation system in two places on each of the pages). Considering the level of trust exhibited after four years, I decided it was time she administer her own site, but I knew she woud be unable to do it. So I worked at making the transition as seamless as possible. I didn’t let her know about it beforehand because I knew things would go hysterical on me. When I realized that her webhost now had WordPress, I found an appropriate template and tweeked it and changed all the colors and all the navigation button images and set about making her a WordPress blog site that would look like a regular website, which she could administer herself. I spent hours getting things to look just right and then spent hours transferring every bit of material from the old website. She still had the same entry page but the blog was in a different directory. So I went in then to the old website and put redirects for every page so that anyone entering through them would automatically be taken to the new version of the site. Then I wrote her and told her what I’d done, and why, and gave her instructions on how to handle the blog, how to do her updates, and assured her it was very user-friendly.
In the meanwhile, I noticed she had sent me an email praising the look of the new site, saying she loved it. But that was before she’d received my email.
She responded with one of those emails that’s a couple of sentences of supposed apology that is not an apology, no thanks or “Nice knowing you”, though I’d wished her well in mine, and that was that.
So I thought.
I received emails later that night where brand-spanking-new supporter of hers had been told by her that I had derailed the website and he was trying to get someone else to intercede to get me to put the website back up so the good people who were so in need of donations could still receive them.
The website was there. Everything had been transferred from the old one. Everything was in working order and it looked good to boot. So why was it now being spread around that I had removed the website and had thus made her organization unable to receive donations? For one thing, had anyone cared to check for themselves, they would have seen the website was there.
This brand-spanking-new supporter of hers is a progressive democrat who professes to high-minded ideals, involved with different causes, a radio show guy. He said that he had streams of listeners prepared to go to the website to make donations but here I had taken the website down, and I must put it back up so his constituents could make those donations.
I wrote and let this brand-spanking-new supporter of hers know the website was there, that I’d not taken it down, that he could look for himself. And that I didn’t care for it being spread around that I’d derailed the website when I had instead spent hours building a website that could be self-administered by the organization in an easy blogger format. I sent a copy of this also to the organization’s head. Neither the new supporter or the head of the organization wrote me back.
Seems being a progressive democrat with a radio show and a high sense of mission (not a very high profile radio show that anyone reading this might know about, except perhaps one person) isn’t going to stand in the way of what I can only guess is the usual fuck-you elitest bullshit and an inability to say, “Oops, I was wrong.” And yeah, I resent that. Someone who goes around talking about fairness and can’t be bothered to write me back a one sentence note saying, “You’re right, the website is there.” Maybe because I’m the nameless, web designer, I don’t know. I do know I’m insulted. He’s on a steering committee for a coalition of big and small progressive groups that professes to be for participatory democracy, economic and social justice and peace. But if you’e just a nameless, volunteer web designer with no caché then screw you, you don’t merit a return email of acknowledgment, much less an apology, or an acknowledgment that he didn’t bother to even check to see if the website had been taken down.
Something that rankles me with progressives who purport to high ideals, and things like “participatory” democracy and justice and peace is bull crap, ego-driven elitism that has its mind on caché and can’t be bothered to honor a mission statement with even a fairly simple email exchange. No, web design and administering a website isn’t glamorous enough. I sit here at my desk for hours simply making graphics and doing html and uploading files. Though I often do a lot of research as well. But it’s all behind the computer, no-name, no-status stuff. There’s no self-promotion to it. Just helping someone else self-promote for a cause or getting information out. I was thinking, earlier, well when you’re a non self-promoting volunteer you’re just asking to be treated like total crap. And I’ve dealt with this attitude elsewhere, people not having any idea apparently of the kind of time it takes to do a nice site, nice graphics, and manage it, or not caring, and you get treated like crap.
Then my landlord drops off a gift certificate, and I was then exchanging emails with another guy for whom I do volunteer webwork, have been long-preparing a website that will be opened up soon. Not a big look-at-me website. An information-driven website. Someone I’ve worked with on other things for also about four years. And he’s a great guy and sent the nicest best wishes for the holiday and coming new year.
I felt a little less cynical.
There’s a lot of elitism and caché hustling going on out there in the world of progressive dems, I’m not naive. I don’t like it, I don’t like the attitude, I think it sucks, but hey that’s life. Still, this particular incident of being treated with no consideration really rankled. You can claim all you want in public that you’re for people’s power and progressive unity and human rights and anti-imperalism and peace and justice, but when you know you’re dealing with a nameless nobody and treat them with no consideration then well just what are you really for in the first place. It’s like that a lot all over. Which is one reason we’re in the fucking mess we are today. Not just because of Bush. Because of ego-driven jockeying for the just right place at the table and progressives and dems having their own dance card wish list and not being bothered to have the time of day for anyone that for some reason didn’t make the cut. For that matter, progressives have their own prejudices, economically and educationally and socially and professionally and culturally, that play a part in that ultimate lack of unity. And then there’s the lack of really caring what happens to the guy at the rear whose organization may have helped you get where you are but is the easy one to sacrifice when it comes time for making adjustments that will help you get what you want…which is another matter but I’ve heard enough about it and thought I’d throw it in here. Doesn’t exactly foster trust.
User is one word that pops to mind.
“But we all use people, everyone does. That’s what makes the world go round.”
Which is just the wrong answer.
If you purport to want peace, love, understanding and equality then you ought to try to practice your mission statement behind closed doors, or at least admit up front that wanting it doesn’t mean you’re already living it. Hey, I’ll understand, to a reasonable point. I’m no big whoop to live with either. I’ve got my definite, hard-boiled shortcomings. And I know we’ve all got our differences on what constitutes a reasonable point. But don’t give me the run around while your left hand does one thing and your right the other.
“But, uhm, you’re disposable so I don’t quite care what you have to say.”
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
But thanks. Now I know just where you and I both stand with your mission statement.