Big truck people demoralized by people with Hummers

Obviously, big truck people have been demoralized by people with Hummers, which is the only excuse for this.

Which I came across at I Blame the Patriarchy, and have previously observed but forgotten about and observed and forgotten about but after being reminded again of their presence I decided to comment because it occured to me finally why.

Because they don’t have Hummers.

If you come across a Hummer with a pair dangling from the bumper, let me know, because I for some reason don’t think it’s going to happen.

None of the links on the sidebar of Nuts for Trucks are currently working but if you want a pair here’s the link, a page which also provides some other items upon which to throw some of your hard-earned money away, that you may broadcast to the world, on your Hummer-belittled big truck, exactly how you see the world and how you carve up the pie for its men, who are proud antenna soldiers requiring your support, and the women, who are pole-dancing antenna strippers.

They have eleven colors of regular plastic nuts and chrome plated nuts available in five colors. Plus nuts for your keychain. And are promising that new products will be added everyday. Yippee. The quality of craftsmanship invested is obvious. Those who are inclined, I’m certain will be pleased.

At this site they are called bullsballs and you are told they are instead the purveyors of the original nuts and that you wouldn’t want to settle for second class tacky and unrefined. You are educated in how to hang them for extra eye-catching swing. And quality of craftsmansip is, here, a big deal, much talk of color all through and hard baked finishes. Old Glory flies proud at the top of the page. I guess bullsballs and nutsfortrucks are uniquely American.

Gotnutz doesn’t mince words, informing that size does matter and one should hang a monstrous set of balls from mirror or bumper in order to inform the world who is the boss. Their choices for antenna toppers are Hot Shot the Fireman, Cmore Butts, Sgt. Freedom, Weiner Boy and Big Tex. In case you are puzzled they tell you that this is a way to express your personality, attitude and beliefs. Oh, and they also have the antenna strippers or “Korupt Kittens”, made with injection-molded plastic, hand-painted, no detail spared, each provided their own bio, guaranteed to turn the heads of other drivers. On the sidebar they note that life is too short not to have fun. Though probably not too short for them to earn Darwin Awards.

I’m not sure that this counts as insane people doing and saying insane things. I can say,yes, there’s room for all kinds of people but it’s probably safe to say that the majority who decorate their vehicles with nuts and the like don’t think you ought to be here for one reason or another. They probably have a poor sense of boundaries. Namely anyone else’s but their own. And wouldn’t normally, unless strongly working against type, make good neighbors.