Hey, you! The ones who were properly, socially adjusted in school and think homeschoolers are "overly rugged individualists who lack the impulse or skills to mix in as collaborative members of everyday society!"

I read that kids who win spelling bees Google their names like crazy. If that’s the case, to this year’s winner of the Scripps National Spelling Bee, Evan O’Dorney, congratulations! But I hope he never Googles this page and that his parents have some child filter on their computer because man I wouldn’t want Evan to have to go through reading what’s being said on the internet about him.

First, though, a few facts. He’s 13, a math wiz, studying calculus, composes piano concertos.

In truth, Evan doesn’t much like spelling

His real loves are math and music, in that order.

“In general, I like things that are logical,” said Evan, who studies piano and composition at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music.

“I like the way that math works. It’s not like spelling, where you have to memorize all the exceptions to all the words. Math is orderly. It makes sense. You can always figure out whether something is true, and once you figure it out, it will always be true, if the logic is correct.”

Ken Perano, a computer scientist at Sandia National Laboratory in Livermore, calls Evan a “one-in-a-million student” who likely will begin placing at the top of national math exams soon.

“It’s just an extreme aptitude,” he said. “He’s a genius.”

Perano first met Evan three years ago while speaking to students on a field trip touring the lab.

“At first, I thought he was a younger sibling of one of the advanced students,” he remembered. “Then Evan started asking some very probing questions, which proved he knew what he was talking about.”

Perano, whose children also are home-schooled, began spending an hour each week mentoring Evan.

Source: Contracosta Times
http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_6019445

I don’t follow spelling bees, myself. I don’t care about them. The only reason I know about this…and care about this…is I first read about it on Gawker and their lead sentence is, “The 13-year-old winner of the National Spelling Bee, who is home-schooled, subjected CNN’s Kiran Chetry to an extremely painful live interview…,” which unleashes guess what in the comment area? Which is my concern, the outcry of (paraphrase) “Lookie here! We’ve got a homeschooled idiot who isn’t socialized like the public-school-graduate I am!”

They have a vid of the interview and I watched it, and what do you know, it’s a vid of a kid who’s 13, who has been flooded with interviews, who is exhausted (he said so on another interview I found), a 13-year-old who is dealing with glossy, superficial television inanities, trying to answer their questions as truthfully as he can, and then he has the indignity of trying to spell a word that the anchor mispronounces, and she’s the one who can’t seem to get through her head that she’s mispronouncing it.

Now, after the post at Gawker comes the flood of comments from people who know nothing about Evan, who don’t know that he is a “one-in-a-million student”, that he studies music at the San Francisco Conservatory, that he’s mentored by a computer scientist and that he loves logic. And perhaps you can imagine what these comments are like, coming from people who count themselves as better socialized than poor Evan? I’ll get around to them in a second.

First, you’re probably thinking, “You’re interested in this because you’re homeschooling H.o.p.?”

I’d be interested in this even if I wasn’t homeschooling H.o.p.–who is not a “one-in-a-million” student, hates math, who cares not about logic but instead loves fantasy and talks incessantly about how HIS stories will be better than the stories he reads or watches and then details how, who will never win a spelling bee and doesn’t care, whose personality happens to be one where he’s animated as hell and is pretty much eager to perform, perform, perform, as long as it’s his own idea. He’s obviously different from Evan in the logic department. As far as what Evan’s general disposition is, how animated he may or may not be, and if he’s “socialized”? Y’know? I couldn’t give a guess because I can’t tell from a couple minutes of interview with a tired 13-year-old.

BUT there are a lot of people out there who CAN say exactly what Evan is like, though all they know of him is that he won the National Spelling Bee and that he made sure the news anchor PRONOUNCED his name right because she’d MISPRONOUNCED it and when challenged to spell a word he tried to get her to say it correctly, because you can see his confusion and that he suspects she’s not saying the word correctly, not to mention he’s got a lot of pressure on him because now he’s national news and if he doesn’t get it right he’ll probably be very hard on himself about it in the way that a 13-year-old is going to be hard on him or herself.

Anyway, these people who comment on Evan take it upon themselves to guess JUST how socialized he is (because they are so very socialized adults themselves and are a model standard against which to compare Evan) and how well-adjusted he is (or not) and plunge into hazarding diagnosis. These are some of their comments…

I think he’s officially the new poster child for why you should send your kids out to school.What a weirdo.

and

Holy fuck, I will never home scholl my kid or else he’ll turn into a walking beatdown like that boy.

and

By homeschooling this child, his parents have doomed him to a lonely, isolated, socially awkward life. The good thing is he’s a sort of overly-focused prodigy. He’ll be dressing up in firefighter outfits and setting up smoke bombs to flaccidly fondle women and steal their shoes by at least 20. What a go-getter.

and

total Asperger case. why do people home-school their children? my goodness. this is like child abuse. how can this child possibly function in the world

and

That was painful for all concerned. The home school vibes make me want to take 20 hot showers in a row.

and

Wow, I would have thought a home schooled kid who spent every waking moment of his life with his parents and a dictionary would have been a fucking social dynamo. Someone give this kid a beer or something before he gets accepted to Virgina Tech.

Yeah, I know at Gawker it’s all about humiliation, but we’re talking a 13-year-old kid here, and I’m reading these remarks thinking, “This is socialization???” Because even if it is all about who can be first-rate at cutting, I imagine a number of people who comment at Gawker do believe in their comments.

Or how about over here at the Facepunch Studios forum (for videos and flash movies)? They too took an interest in Evan’s problems.

Their “socialized” comments on Evan’s interview?

…sheer insanity…What a dick.

and

What an ass.

and

nerd

and

I seriously want to get homeschooling banned now. I’m a fucking 99% geek and I don’t sound so geekish like that guy does. I can’t even describe how this thing irritates me.

and

wow, that kid need a real life.

and

America’s best speller. World’s worst idiot.

and

Needs more exposure with the outside world. He takes several tens of seconds before he can say ANYTHING, something is not right.

and


I’ve seen worse. He’s still a little asshole that needs his butt home schooled in proper etiquette.

and

Autistic boy hangs self after misspelled word.

and

He’s like those ‘special’ people who can multiply 400 digit numbers… smart and dumb at the same time, he should get a medal for that.

and

I want to kidnap people like him, put them all in one room, grab a gun and have a good time. Does that make me cruel?

And that is SOCIALIZED!

Oh, gee, how grand and wonderful that kind of SOCIALIZATION must be. Of the questions that the majority of homeschoolers are asked, the principle one is, “But what about socialization?” And what’s odd about the question is that a good number of them pushing public ed for socialization’s sake (go read around the internet on it) seem to be well aware of the viciousness of that socialization and believe that every child must be subjected to it in order to get a thicker skin and be able to run with the pack in the “real world”.

Referring back to Russell Shaw’s “Let’s Restrict Home Schooling” post at “The Huffington Post” a couple of weeks ago, which I already commented on here.

Hey, RUSSELL! You SAID:

I’m equally troubled by the fact that a non-trivial number of home-schoolers are taught in that way because their parents are overly rugged individualists who lack the impulse or skills to mix in as collaborative members of everyday society.

Well, the world is overly complex. Lots of different types of people, of cultural forces. Hiding off somewhere and teaching your kids away from the influence of a socially formative school environment can make it harder for your children to learn about the give-and-take of life in our present-day culture.

What? They need to be socialized to the absolute lowest common denominator? Because you were socialized to it and went through the ringer and were beaten up a few times before you got your Fully Initiated socialization skills down and fought to maintain some status by making sure there was always some kid next down on the totem pole on whose head you were standing, butting them in the nose with the heel of your shoe?

Damn. Read through the above comments again and then let’s talk about the importance of going to school for sake of socialization and acquiring the kind of social skills that it takes for “the give-and-take of life in our present-day culture”. And don’t tell me, “That’s the worst of the worst,” because it’s not. It’s par for the course.

It’s brutal, it’s brainless, and the majority of those who suffered through public school think that because they had to go through it then THAT’S NORMAL, so hey you, the “overly rugged individualists who lack the impulse or skills to mix in as collaborative members of everyday society”, get a grip and learn to lick the boot above while grinding yours on the face below, the grinding down on the face below being not only hysterical but necessary of course for the education of the one below so that they change their faltering ways and become more NORMAL.

Whatta world. Whatta world.

Hey, you! The ones who were properly, socially adjusted in school and think homeschoolers are “overly rugged individualists who lack the impulse or skills to mix in as collaborative members of everyday society!” Over here! We’ve got SOMEONE WHO’S DIFFERENT! Come on! Let that 13-year-old in on just how ABNORMAL HE IS! Or wait, forget the chump change 13-year-old. Why not let this homeschooling mom know just what a freak *I* am. Better you go after someone your own size, right?

Except I am a freak, I’m not being facetious, despite the fact I went to public school I’m a freak, and I could really stand to be hurt by the pile-up because despite the fact I went to public school as a kid I still have room for some bruises, right uhm, there, and despite the fact I went to public school I didn’t learn well enough the give-and-take of life in our present-day culture so even if I do land a punch I’m going to angst sorely over the brawl and you will be so able to take unfair advantage of that and squash me like a bug while I angst over that and the fact that I am so ABNORMAL. For some reason public school didn’t teach me how to be NORMAL, and it has been a hard burden to bear.

Well, who cares that I really am a freak! Go for it anyway…

And keep your damn paws off the kids.


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14 responses to “Hey, you! The ones who were properly, socially adjusted in school and think homeschoolers are "overly rugged individualists who lack the impulse or skills to mix in as collaborative members of everyday society!"”

  1. Jennifer Avatar

    Wow…

    I spent the first 9 years of my schooling in private school so I have no idea where I fall on the socialized food chain, but let me just say… the asshole quotient is high these days.

    So many things amaze me here, but what pops out in my mind right now is that there is such a push to raise children as individuals and yet if you do or you are unique, you’re at the bottom of the *well-socialized* dog pile.

  2. Idyllopus Avatar

    I really haven’t noticed our society being concerned with raising individualists? You’ll have to tell me how so. I just don’t see it.

  3. Jennifer Avatar

    No, you’re right, they’re not…. I was thinking about this this morning. They give the message that everyone is *special*, everyone is an individual that should be nurtured and yet I have seen many kids have that uniqueness tamped down for fear of hurting some other child’s feelings. No one can excel unless all excel! Or somehow, being *special* is a zero-sum game. If you excel, you take it directly away from me!!

    I see pros and cons to any avenue of learning. I don’t think there is one way just as there is not only one type of child.

    I’ll tell you what I do see and I’m not 100% sure where it’s coming from… the schools, the parents, society at large, but what I see on a daily basis is people not being able to be gracious. I see it in parents, I see it in children. I see people who are not able to be happy for another person’s well done job or gain. It amazes me and saddens me. If you do well, you are not to be congratulated or reveled in, but instead you are treated as a threat. If there was one area I could address on a large scale, it would be to introduce the idea of being happy for other people’s successes and that success, or happiness are not again zero-sum games.

  4. Jim McCulloch Avatar

    I know very few people who really thrived in school. For most of us, it was a necessary evil, or perhaps just evil unmodified. Home schooling certainly can’t do any worse, and if the homeschoolers I’ve met are representative, I’d have to say homeschooling is superior. I don’t have a big sample, but even if some of the homeschool kids are learning the the earth was created 6000 years ago, they probably come from families that would teach them to believe that even if they went to public school, plus it’s a new ball game when they’re grown, and being otherwise reasonably well educated and possibly less fucked up than public school kids, just makes it a little more likely they’ll go beyond what they were taught about evolution.
    In any case, hopefully, they’ll not develop the full-fledged schadenfreud of Gawker commentators.

  5. Idyllopus Avatar

    Jennifer – As for the wasting of graciousness, I can’t say where it’s coming from or if it is actually happening or if it has always been this way. I’ve observed it for as long as I’ve been around. But maybe things have intensified. I don’t know. This happens to be one of those days where looking from my hill at the history of the human race, I’m just not very impressed with its record in the way of interpersonal relations. Literature over the ages doesn’t seem to be very impressed either.

    Jim – Wish a number of those people who didn’t thrive in school could take a step back and analyze their faith in it and their inflexibility concerning alternatives.

  6. Tiara Avatar

    THANK YOU. I couldn’t work out what was so offensive about his interview – he was just nervous, big deal! Not everyone’s a charmer.

    Also: I was in public school for 11 years and honestly I would have had better socialization outside of school. I was bullied in school and not given enough respect because I was a minority, I was different. Even worse – I was a minority and I was SUCCEEDING, which meant I was being bad. Or something. There were some good times, yes, but the scars of being cut down like a tall poppy and of being too different for anyone else still last until now and I’m only just managing to deal past it.

    Had I been homeschooled. I probably would have fared better. I would have gone at my own pace (a lot faster!) and I would be able to enjoy far more opportunities and meet those I could gel with. I always got along with those older and younger than me anyway. Oh well.

    Thanks for your views.

  7. Idyllopus Avatar

    I don’t have the experience of being a minority through ethnicity, but for a fare amount of my youth I was a Northerner in a Deep South school system during a time when anyone from outside the South was viewed as an alien and severely treated as such. So I can empathize to a certain extent.

    Schools can be natural hothouses ostracizing individuals for being different in any number of ways…

    And then the tall poppy syndrome. It’s been mentioned twice now here and maybe I should make a post on it. There are tall poppies who are allowed and encouraged to flourish and then there are those who are hacked at. Which is something that not much light is directed on, that different pockets of society make these choices as to what tall poppies they’re going to cultivate, and which they would like to instead discredit.

    Thank you for commenting. And good luck dealing with the scars. I hope and expect you’ll be among those who nurture a self-compassion that eases them, if not entirely erasing them.

  8. Brian Foley Avatar

    I couldn’t agree more. I think you have written the most “human” take on this issue that there could be.

    What is wrong with this country full of posers and whiners? It is embarrassing. The absolute inability of those haters to imagine themselves excelling in something at such a young age, and then being hauled from interview to interview with people who not only don’t care about them, but make their living off “pimping” them and opening them to abuse is beyond me.

    Do we actually share the same DNA as anti-human anti-intellectuals? Part of what makes us human is our ability to think deeper and more complex thoughts than other animals. Where do those “dudes” fit in the chain?

    Anyway, I’m glad you expressed my thoughts more cohesively than I have!

    Keep up the good work!

  9. Deanna Avatar

    There’s another thing I’ve been thinking about this young man and this interview. Not every public-schooled child grows up fluent and well-spoken; many are pretty geeky, you know? And sending Evan to school might make him better adjusted socially, but it might only drive him further toward insecurity.

    My sister has four daughters and homeschools them all. The two older ones have some combination of sensory integration disorder or Aspergers. Both of them, especially the younger of the two, are clearly social misfits. But they’d be at least as bad in a public school situation, and possibly a lot worse as a result of the beating their self-esteem would have taken over the years. Their dad also shows signs of mild Aspergers, and he was public schooled all his life.

    On the other hand, both of my daughters have been homeschooled all their lives, and they are very well-adjusted socially. They shake their heads in wonder at many of the public-schooled kids they know, many of whom are shallow and artificial and mean, and some of whom refuse to associate with anyone who’s a year younger than they are. Those who interact with them during the course of the day is impressed with how well-spoken and outgoing they both are.

    Judging the socialization of all homeschoolers by one clearly unusual 13-year-old is foolish. Homeschoolers, like public schoolers, come in all varieties, from social misfits to extremely well-adjusted. Those kids who are nerdy, geeky, and introverted; those who are anxious around strangers and don’t find conversations easy; those may be exactly the ones who discover a cure for cancer or develop the next dimension in space travel – providing they aren’t subjected to an environment that crushes their self-esteem, breaks their hearts, and squelches their enthusiasm for learning, and destroys their creativity.

    Thanks for the post. 🙂

  10. TammyT Avatar

    On the one hand, I feel kind of bad for this kid and his family. He was thrust into all of this and had no idea how hungry the media and people who thrive on ‘weirdo” media stories are. He was just really happy he won, and in his innocence, he’s been turned into the “sucker of the day”. Who knows how this is going to scar his psyche.

    On the other hand, homeschoolers have always been lion’s meat in the media, and it always surprises me when homeschoolers put themselves willingly into positions like this. But then, TV and YouTube and all that has absolutely no draw for me. So, I guess I can’t understand that “I get to be on TV!” drive that exists in our culture.

    Well, I have considered putting my son’s Guitar Hero playing on YouTube, because he’s just so darn good and he loves to perform for people. But that was short lived when another dad put his son (about the same age) on YouTube doing the very thing my son does – KICKS ASS on Guitar Hero. Well, the comments were so mean. People’s jealousy and inferiority complexes and all that translated into “he’s got no life!” “This is fake!” “His dad neglects him!” etc. I thought, “That could have been my son.” No thanks.

  11. Susan Och Avatar

    My own personal score in fifteen years of being a 4-H leader is 10 to 1.

    Ten families of homeschooled kids who ranged from interesting to awesome and one family who skipped town before it dawned on me that I should have been contacting child welfare.

    That one family still haunts me. Here in Michigan there is minimal, if any, monitoring of homeschooling. All you have to do is call school and say “My child won’t be coming to school anymore. We are homeschooling.” I worry that inadequately “socialized” parents could use homeschooling as a way of hiding all sorts of terrible things done to children.

  12. Idyllopus Avatar

    TammyT, Deanna, Brian Foley et all: This morning I was sent a couple of links to other Evan interviews, and I remain pretty floored over the continuing viciousness of the comments, the eagerness to rip to shreds a child for his successes, to rip apart people for being different. One thing it makes me aware of is just how much things have changed with individuals expecting now from everyone the performing facade that was once reserved for celebrities and figures with years of experience in handling media. Even had he not been homeschooled Evan would have been raked over the coals. But he is homeschooled and that made for a firestorm.

    Now, whether or not Evan’s family should be judged for exposing him to this, I’m not going to get into, because I don’t know the particulars. I’ve tried to put myself into their place and imagine had it been my child, and unless I’d a child who showed the least amount of unwillingness to that kind of exposure, I just can’t say, despite the fact I distrust the media, and how they will take things and twist them ably to their own ends, to fit the story angle they want. Which is also much the problem here. How many times have you heard of an interviewee saying, “That’s not what I said,” or “That’s not what I meant”. There’s a reason for this.

    I do know my instinct will be of course to protect my child. But what if I’d a 13-year-old child who said, “Yes, I think this might be fun and want to do this!” I can’t project myself into the shoes of Evan’s family. I simply feel that the rancor deployed against this child is deplorable.

  13. Idyllopus Avatar

    Susan, I’m going to stay away from the typical responses and point out instead how many children are abused in places such as church and schools, by the very people who are imagined to be mentoring them, those people seeking the positions that they do because it puts them in contact with multiple children and because they have confidence in their position of trusted authority providing an effective mask. I personally have known adults (not second hand, hearsay knowledge either) who were abused by individuals who worked with youth in the church, teachers, Sunday School teachers, and others with authority over children. No one suspected it. These individuals abused multiple children. And when it was eventually discovered? I know of several instances where the community did nothing but usher the abuser out the door because they didn’t want the negative exposure. Despite this, thankfully, one of those criminals is now in prison, and another, by court order, is not permitted to teach children any longer.

    Consider how many children are exposed to this kind of abuse precisely because they are told all their lives that authority must be trusted, that children must bend to authority, that adults are miniature omniscient gods to whom they must submit, and they believe it because they are children and they grow up to hold and keep the same beliefs on all-powerful authority always knowing better than they do. To the extent that when they’re adults and authority fails then to protect children, they submit to that failure believing it’s best for the community.

    Didn’t society fail these kids?

    Brian Doyle, the deputy press secretary for the Department of Homeland Security was arrested for trying to seduce a 14-year-old girl via the computer.

    Consider Mark Foley and his position of authority in regard to the protection of children.

    There are many more here.

    There’s an even more outrageous example of a high-ranking individual in public service to do with protecting children that I for some reason can’t locate right now, which is frustrating.

    And yes it’s a list of Republicans but Democrats are by no means exempt. Nor is the Baptist Church etc. any more exempt than the Catholic Church. All I’m saying is that High Authority by no means assures protection of children and I think it’s unfair to single out loosely monitored homeschoolers as being a threat to the welfare of children considering what I’ve above outlined.

    Personally, I think the building of a society that protects children as well as other vulnerable segments of the population is going to have a good deal to do with teaching children to think for themselves and to not blindly trust in authority. People who have the self-reliance and self-esteem to recognize misuse and abuse comes in many guises, with many faces, and not infrequently those faces wearing a carefully crafted popular, protective mask which they sport with remarkable guile.

  14. Rebecca Autrey Avatar
    Rebecca Autrey

    In homeschooling my child, I found the idea that homeschoolers are isolated and unsocialized to be a complete and utter myth. My child never had so many friends and she never met nicer friends. Within the small group atmosphere, we spent one hour on study of a particular subject and another whole hour (or more) of play and social interreaction.

    In public school, my child was ridiculed, bullied and her self esteem hit bottom. The overpressured atmosphere ,fueled by G. Bush’s test- oriented “no child left behind”, has left this gifted child in the dust and almost deleted her natural love of learning.

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